Love is a wonderful thing.
I consider myself so incredibly lucky to have found such a strong connection with someone, to have found my soul mate – in fact, before I met him, I didn’t actually “believe” in soul mates, so this meeting brought a huge shift in the way I viewed love.
However, as I’ve talked about before, having kids changes a relationship. The relationship isn’t necessarily better or worse, it’s just different. Life gets busier, time seems to fly by, and the time that used to be spent simply bonding with your other half is now often few and far between. In tiredness and hunger, words can become harsher, feelings and emotions can bounce around and communication can break down. But with change comes learning, and with learning comes growth.
My partner and I have always been pretty good at communicating with each other, which has helped us stay strong through the sleepless nights and rough patches. Sure, we’ve both had times of frustration and anger, but talking it out helps stop the little things from turning into the big things; and the little hiccups also teach us how to deal with them and give us opportunities to avoid bigger hiccups later on.
I’ve also personally found that looking – like, intentionally and consciously looking – for the little ways my partner shows me he loves me helps me to appreciate him that much more. And the more I look, the more I find, and the more grateful I am that I’m sharing this journey with him. Little signs are often the most significant. Love isn’t all about the grand gestures; we definitely try to scatter a few of those in here and there, but the day to day actions, the little bits of love, is what really shows me that he cares.
For example, in our relationship, love is when he gets up with our littlest man in the morning so I can sleep in.
Love is when he doesn’t watch shows without me on TV so we can watch them together.
Love is when he makes me a coffee and has a sip of it first to make sure it’s OK.
Love is when he gives me the nice fried eggs for breakfast, and takes the broken up eggs for himself.
Love is when he works so hard to pay for the bills so that we can afford for me to stay at home with the kids.
Love is when he reads every single thing I write, even though it’s aimed at other mums, and tells me how wonderful it all is – and how wonderful I am.
Love is when he calls people on the phone because he knows I don’t like doing it.
Love is when he makes sure he always tells me he loves me before he leaves, sometimes two or three times.
These aren’t big things – but imagine if I missed them, or took them for granted? Or complained that he never does anything for me? That would be so sad… Because this is what love is, in real life.
There are many different ways people show love, and if you haven’t heard of the love languages, I encourage you to look them up. I believe they were originally ‘created’ by Gary Chapman in his book “The 5 Love Languages”, but there’s a wealth of information on the internet as well. Basically, there are five different ways people tend to show love, but as people are unique and individual, there can sometimes be a bit of loss in translation between one person trying to show love and the other person receiving it. I won’t go into too much detail here, because I feel like I wouldn’t do them justice, but please do look into them – understanding them and how they work can be incredibly helpful in relationships. I remember my mum and her friend talking about them when I was a kid, and in hindsight that was a really valuable time to be introduced to the idea, so I plan to start talking about them with our Eldest Little Man too.
Sure, I may be a bit of a hopeless romantic and a sop because we just got engaged and I’m still starry eyed and lovestruck… but to be honest, I hope I never lose that. Because otherwise… what’s the point?
Have you heard of the love languages? What’s yours? What’s your partners?
Until next time, glow mamas.